Dear Shirley and Steve, I was 36 when I married my 29-year-old husband. I have been married almost six years. The past years have been good with no major issues. Like all marriages we've struggled with communication but have always found a way to talk through our issues until recently. My husband has now made it clear that he wants me to be ok with him smoking marijuana. Before we were married, he shared with me that he regularly smoked it during high school through around age 24. When he got saved at 26, he shared that he felt he did not need to smoke on a daily basis anymore and only did it once in a while. He said that he had completely stopped after we were married. So I thought. It turns out he has been smoking marijuana here and there when I was not around. He asked me if I ever wondered why we never socialized with any of his friends and he said because he knew they would be smoking marijuana and he knew that I was not ok with it. He said he never shared his desire to continue smoking marijuana with me because what he was doing was illegal and didn't want me to think negatively of him or leave him. The only reason he is now opening up about his desire for marijuana because it is legal for recreational use in a few states and he feels more states will soon follow. Because of the social change in thinking about marijuana, he feels I too should be more open minded and accept his desire to smoke it. Marijuana is something that I was raised to be wrong and have never personally tried it. Also, as a Christian, I believe I shouldn't be putting mind-altering substances in my body. I explained to him how I felt and told him that I wanted no part of it and he needed to choose whether his desire for marijuana was stronger than his desire to be married to me. He felt I shouldn�t have given him an ultimatum and that he shouldn't have to choose between the two. He feels there is no reason he can�t have both but if I was forcing him to choose, he would. Long story short, he chose to leave. Now I am completely devastated and feeling like I may have made a mistake. Should I just accept this and be ok with his use of marijuana to get my husband back? Am I being too conservative and closed-minded? Help, I miss my husband!
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